sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Houston, we have a squirter
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
