the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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