remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
