Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
