i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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