absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
