I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
