you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
