Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
