i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
