if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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