please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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