i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The feeling are messing with the penis
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
