I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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