His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
