one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
