no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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