We won't sleep together?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
