bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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