I love black thongs
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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