I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Randomize
