I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
