I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
So much rum. So many feels.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
