everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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