some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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