1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
