There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
