dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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