my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
