I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
