I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
