Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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