I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
