I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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