I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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