Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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