im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
