I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize