I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
