Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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