some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
