what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
