so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize