Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
