... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
