just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
