You're my little dorito
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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