3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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