My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?