On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
What a dumb baby whore.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
