I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
