Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
