I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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