She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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