New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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