She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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