I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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