Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
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