Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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