If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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