Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
