Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
