there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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