hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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