just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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