Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
