she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
