too bad you live with your parents still
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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