I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I think I died a long time ago.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
