a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize