Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
