Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Randomize