I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
