i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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