i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There's even glitter on my cock...
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