you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
