I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
