Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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