I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
