That's intense
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
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Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
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I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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