She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
