Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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