You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
