I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
