It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
